so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
