Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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