She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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