Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
