eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
