I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tell her she can't have a vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize