i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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