Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
