She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
