Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
