She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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