fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
