oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
