i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize