Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
