Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just had sex on a roof
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
