I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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