i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
