so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
