You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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