He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
