my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
