Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
