I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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