I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize