After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
