i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm both gender and math confused
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
