All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
