operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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