You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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