my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
