She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
