So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
