What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize