I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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