We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
