I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
