How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
