Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
