How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
