That reminds me...we need to get swords
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
