I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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