I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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