remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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