Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
