i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
