Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
