Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
