meet me or not, i'm out of control
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
