You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
