omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
