she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
