woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize