I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
