What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
