Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
