If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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