I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
