I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
