please come you make the beer taste better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
