my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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