i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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