My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
