Cold hands, warm shart.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
