Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
