scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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