is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
