i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
