I can't breathe out the right side of my face
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
