"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
