dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
