Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
