a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize