If i come over, it means nothing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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