Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
