My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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