i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
