Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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