Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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