I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
