so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize