I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
