Already got asked if we're dating
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
