We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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