Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
