i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
