your thong is hanging out like whoa
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
