At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
