Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
