i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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