I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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