i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
