Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Panties = found
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
