My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
