he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize