Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
